Behind the Cards
by Dark Magician Boy
Summary: What happens when you mix a pinch of confusion, two teaspoons of humor, and 1000 tons of raw insanity. You get an insane version of Yu-Gi-Oh run by Dark Magician Boy and Luthien Eowyn.
1. It Starts

DMB: Um…uh…well…I…

Luthien Eowyn: GET ON WITH IT!!

DMB: Hey, will you shut up!! This is my story! You're just the co-writer.

LE: Then show a little respect.

DMB: Anyway, moving on. This is my first fic, so be nice. Nah, you don't have to be if you don't want to. Just review and let me know what you think.

LE: You know, you're setting yourself up for some major flaming with that last sentence.

DMB: SHUT UP!! Oh, by the way, this is my annoying big sister, a.k.a Luthien Eowyn. She'll be writing this story with me. So if there's anything in this story that you don't like, it was probably written by her.

LE: I heard that!

DMB: Whatever. We'll be re-writing the entire yugioh series. I'll be directing it my way and you'll get to see what goes on behind the scenes. What are our favorite anime heroes really like? We'll explore their deepest, darkest secrets and expose their secret hearts.

LE: Oh give it a rest. They all know that we're just writing this for some laughs.

DMB: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!

(Yugi enters)

Yugi: Dark Magician Boy! Luthien Eowyn! We're ready to start filming now.

DMB: Yugi, we're kind of in the middle of something right now! You should know better than to interrupt me when I'm fighting with Luthien!

Yugi: I know, but…

DMB: Well, so long as you're here you might as well make yourself useful. Do the disclaimer.

Yugi: Ok. Neither Luthien Eowyn nor Dark Magician Boy owns anything from YuGiOh.

DMB: All righty then, now that that's out of the way, we can start shooting. LIGHTS!

(lights come up on a classroom set in Domino high.)

CAMERA!!

( Luthien is seen operating the camera.)

ACTION!!!!!!!

DMB: The filming of **_YuGiOh: Behind the Cards _**has officially begun.

(Focus switches to Yugi and Joey, dueling.)

Yugi: Hey Joey! Earth to Joey!

Tristan: …

Yugi: Uh…Tristan, you have a line there.

Tristan: Aren't you supposed to say "Are you in there?" first?

Yugi: Oh yeah. All right, lets start again.

#Take 58#

Yugi: Hey, Joey? Earth to Joey! Are you in there?

Tristan: Uh… what's my line again!

DMB: TRISTAN, THIS IS THE FIFTY-EIGTH TAKE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MEMORIZE YOUR LINES LAST NIGHT!! THE LINE IS "AW, ISN'T HE CUTE WHEN HE'S THINKING!" HOW HARD COULD THAT BE?!

LE: Ignore him. Just take it from the top.

Yugi: Hey, Joey! Earth to Joey! Are you in there?

Tristan: Aw, isn't he cute when he's thinking.

Everyone else: YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!

Luthien: And there was much rejoicing.

BMD: Ok, yahoo. Whoopdee-frickin-doo. Moving on. Lets skip ahead to the game shop.

(Scene change to the Kame Game Shop. Yugi, Tristan, Tea, and Joey enter.)

Yugi: Grandpa, I'm home!

Solomon: Ah, I see you've brought company.

Yugi: Hey, grandpa, could you show my friends your awesome, super-rare card?

Solomon: Rare card? My special card?

Yugi: Please, please!

Joey: Pretty please.

Solomon: Hmm, how can I refuse? You kids are in for a treat.

( Solomon pulls out a small card box and opens it. He shows it to the kids without actually looking at it.)

Solomon: Impressive, eh?

Joey: Uh…not really.

Solomon: What are you talking about? This is one of the best cards in the game!

Tristan: What's so special about a fur ball with feet?

Solomon: Huh? (looks at the card and sees that it's a Kuriboh.) Oh, whoops. Wrong one. (tosses the box aside and pulls out another one. This one really is the BEWD.)

Solomon: So, what do you think. Impressive, eh? (Closes eyes in happiness to see that _most_ of the kids are in awe.)

Tristan: Doesn't look so special to me. (Grabs card with an unusually hard grip and rips it in half, leaving the other half in Solomon's hand)

Solomon: Wait here. (Walks into a door behind counter)

Kaiba: (Walks in through the entrance, sees the ripped BEWD in Tristan's hand and faints)

DMB: ITS NOT YOUR'S FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!

Kaiba: (Pops back up as if nothing ever happened and walks back out door)

Solomon: (Comes up to the front counter with a BEWD and forgets to close door)

Yugi: (Looks in door's entrance to see piles of BEWD cards)

Solomon: Um, okay, I forgot my line in all of that of that hubbub.

LE & DMB: WHAT IS WITH EVERYONE TODAY?!?!

Yami: (Walks on stage) At this rate, we'll never get to my scene.

DMB: Yami, what the heck are you doing here?

Yami: YOU PAY ME TO BE HERE!!!!

LE: No he doesn't.

Yami: (Whispers under his breath) I hate it when she does that.

LE: What was that you said?

Yami: Um a, I said, I need to go. (Opens Millennium Puzzle like a compartment and pulls out a smoke bomb)

DMB: Oh, woof.

Yami: (Throws smoke bomb to ground. Smoke only issues enough to cover Yami's legs. When smoke clears, Yami's pants are gone.

DMB: (Mouth drops and eyes start twitching.)

LE: Cover your virgin eyes! (Runs over to DMB and covers his eyes.)

Yami: Ra, dang it, I hate it when this happens.

Yugi: You mean this has happened before?!?

Yami: Yes. It was during a speech to all of Egypt!

Yugi: Dang, no wonder you decided to put yourself in the Millennium Puzzle.

Yami: No, really. (Smoke bomb crackles and issues enough smoke to cover Yami. This time, when smoke clears, Yami is gone.)

LE: Okay, I think we should just skip to the entering the tower.

DMB: HOW MANY MORE TIMES ARE WE GOING TO SKIP SCENES?!?

LE: This will be the last time.

(If you can see into the future, you'll see LE skipping more scenes)

(Scene changes to the entrance of Kaiba Corp. Yugi, Joey, Tea, and Tristan are seen outside.)

Joey: There's got to be a way in. (Looks at Yugi to see him chewing gum) Hello, aren't you supposed to dramatically lead us in?

Yugi: Oh, sorry. It's just that this pack of cherry flavored gum came with the chocolate donuts Kaiba requested on his phone call. I've never tried cherry flavored gum, and I guess I just really like it.

Joey: What phone call?

LE: What donuts?

Yugi: It was all in the scenes Luthien Eowyn made us skip.

Joey: Oh okay.

(Everybody is still waiting for Yugi. When Yugi sees everyone is staring, he realizes it's his line and starts swinging his arms crazily and marches into the building. Everybody does the exact same and DMB slaps himself on the face.)

(Scene changes to inside elevator)

Yugi: (Closes his eyes and starts snapping his fingers to the elevator music)

(Door opens to reveal that they are at the wrong floor)

Yugi: Rats, I pushed the wrong button.

(Everybody piles back into the elevator)

Tristan: Wait a minute, how can we pile back into the elevator if there's only four-(Tristan is cut short by the elevator doors closing.)

(22nd try)

Yugi: Still the wrong floor. How many floors are there?

Tea: 14

Yugi: Well gee, I wonder how I managed that one.

Joey: You never opened your eyes when you were listening to the elevator music.

(They all go back into the elevator and once again to the wrong floor)

Tristan: How does this keep happening?!?

DMB: Kaiba's office is on level 15. You guys keep on ending on the 16th level of a level 14 building, whereas the studio is on level 17.

LE: A riddle, oooh, awe, special.

Tristan: Whhhaaaaat?

LE: This is getting old. (Snaps fingers and the four are on level 15.)

DMB: Hey, can you show me how to do that?

LE: Sure. (Snaps fingers and DMB finds himself in the Everglades of Florida)

DMB: Oh, she is going to pay. (Snaps fingers and appears on the back of a kangaroo)

(Kangaroo stops and stares at DMB. DMB smiles and waves. Kangaroo stares a little longer and then continues hopping)

DMB: Wow, he's considerate. (Snaps fingers and appears on a slide of ice in Antarctica heading towards a hammerhead shark's open mouth.) Oh, poopy. (Snaps fingers again and finds himself in a old fashion Mickey Mouse cartoon)

DMB: Why the heck do I look all cuddly. I mean look at head, my ears, my eyes, my….. Tail?

Mickey Mouse: (Opens mouth to say something, but DMB covers Mickey's mouth with the new gloves on his hand.)

DMB: If you're Mickey Mouse, I just want to know one thing.

Mickey Mouse: Yeah, what?

DMB: What's with the gloves on every boy character in your cartoons?

(Mickey Mouse is about to say something, but DMB snaps his gloved fingers to find that he is in another T.V. show)

DMB: (Annoyed) What now? (Sees Barney and Baby Bop approaching him prepared to hug him)

DMB: NO! NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! (Hastily snaps fingers and finds that he is now in an oven next to two apples.)

Apple no. 1: (No enthusiasm) Hey look, a fan fiction author.

Apple no. 2: (Bursting with enthusiasm, and staring at Apple no.1) WOW, A TALKING APPLE!!!!

DMB: Wow, the two smartest things on this trip.

(Suddenly, a worm pops out of Apple no. 1)

Worm: (Also bursting with enthusiasm) Hello and greetings from Apple World!

DMB: Does everything in this oven talk?

Oven: Yeah, pretty much.

DMB: Okay, I'm leaving. (Snaps fingers and finally ends up back in the studio)

LE: So, did you enjoy your trip?

DMB (Stares at her with a scowl) IIIIIII hhhaaattteee yyyyyyyyoooooooouuuuuu.

LE: Well, your just lucky you didn't get stuck in Blue's Clues. Blue wouldn't stop licking me for an hour, so I couldn't concentrate enough to get out of there. Well, anyway, you still aren't finished. Now you need to teleport someone else without going with them.

DMB: Oh, I am way ahead of you. (Snaps fingers and LE disappears) That was easy.

(LE suddenly reappears in front of DMB)

DMB: Oh crap.

LE: Whoever said you were the only one who could snap?

DMB: Dang it, she's right.

Yugi: Um guys, we need to move on.

LE: You guys go ahead, I've got a score to settle with my brother.

Yugi: Ok. (Walks back to set chewing more gum)

DMB: Bring it on!

(LE and DMB walk out of sight. Continueing with **_YuGiOh: Behind the Cards_**)

(Solomon staggers out door, clearly drunk)

Yugi: Grandpa! (Runs up to catch Solomon and drops him right away when he smells Solomon's breath)

Solomon: Kaiba's (hiccup!) drinking skills are great (hiccup!) He challenged me to a drinking duel!

Yugi: But I thought you guys played Duel Monsters.

Solomon: We did?

(Suddenly, everything begins rewinding till Yugi and company burst out of the elevator. Solomon falls out the door on the other side of the room and Yugi runs to Solomon)

Yugi: Grandpa!

Joey: Could you not do that whole rewinding thing again, it kind of hurts.

(Joey is rewound a couple of seconds)

Solomon: Yugi, beware..

Yugi: Of what, the way Kaiba duels?

Solomon: Yes that, but also, beware of running with scissors! (Yugi's face grows confused)

Yugi: Uh, Grandpa, are you ok?

Solomon: (Not listening to Yugi) It's all fun and games until someone loses an AAHHHHH!!! (Solomon dies)

Tea: He died? And this is supposed to be a PG series.

Tristan: He's not supposed to die. It's right here in the script. (Holds up script. Reads it and finds that Solomon isn't dead, he fainted)

Joey: So he's doing the right the thing, and we're not. Well, I feel ridiculous.

(Kaiba walks out of door with Solomon's BEWD card)

Kaiba: Ha-Ha! (Runs over and grabs a dozen donuts from the box in Yugi's hands and somehow manages to stuff all of them into his mouth at the same time and he now looks like he has gerbil cheeks. Talking through half chewed doughnut-) It seem the old fool 'cough!' didn't have what it takes. I 'cough!' must have overwhelmed him a little too much. (Rips card in half and flinches a little)

(Everybody stares at Kaiba in horror and a little humor that he has gerbil cheeks and is turning blue)

Yugi: Kaiba, I 'snicker!' challenge you to a duel. And your face is as blue as your trench coat!

Kaiba: (Grabs a hand mirror out of nowhere, sees the true horror, rushes to the bathroom and spits all the donuts out)

Yugi: Well that was disturbing.

Tea: Okay everyone, hold out your hands, and I'll mark us with a special doodle.

Tristan: What's a doodle?

Tea: (Ignores Tristan and pulls out a red marker, and draws a smiley face on each of their hand)

Joey: What's with da smiley faces?

Tea: It's all I know how to draw. But it's cherry scented.

Yugi: Good enough for me then. (Takes a tiny lick of the drawing on his hand and spits it out immediately)

Yami: Get on with it.

Yugi: Oh boy. I'm betting this is going to start a chain.

Bakura: Yes, get on with it!

Tea: Bakura?!?

Yugi's entire deck of monsters: GET ON WITH IT!!!

Yugi: (Sarcastically) Oh, I am enjoying this scene!

Winged Dragon of Ra: GET ON WITH IT!

Tristan: What the heck?

DMB: (From offstage) Skip to the duel, we don't have much time left!

LE: (Also from offstage) You're gonna soon be wishing that you never sent me to that pineapple under the sea. (One might note that LE is soaking wet and DMB"S skin has been scorched by flames)

(Beginning of the duel. Yugi switches with Yami. Yami isn't wearing Yugi's clothes, but Tea's school uniform)

Tea: Where did you get that!?!?!

Yami: Um, a. (Pulls out another smoke bomb and smoke pops out from it, and Yami poofs into clothes that are look alike clothes to Yugi's)

Yami: Finally.

Kaiba: Hey, who are you, where's Yugi?

(Yugi is seen backstage running around with scissors and an insane look in his eyes)

Yami: Wait a minute, we were supposed to go to the end of the duel, weren't we?

Kaiba: Oh yeah. Hey wait a minute, no we-

(Kaiba is cut short by when everything fast forwards to the end of the duel. The three BEWD are getting board of just sitting on the field now, and have pulled out board games, books, etc.)

Kaiba: Draw your last pathetic card, Yami. I-I mean, Yugi.

Yami: My grandpa's deck has no pathetic cards. But it does contain (Pulls up a card and doesn't look at it, but expects it to be the head of Exodia) The Unstoppable Exodia?

Kaiba: Well it might contain Exodia, but it doesn't look like you've drawn it from your deck.

Yami: (Looks at card and sees that it is really Kuriboh) What is with this card!?! It's stalking the cast!

Kaiba: Then why don't you sacrifice it to draw another card?

Yami: Oh yeah. (Throws Kuriboh into the graveyard, and then draws the Head of Exodia) Now I play Exodia, Obliterate!

(Exodia pulls up hands and a ball of light attached to a string falls down on Exodia's head. Exodia then falls apart)

(LE and DMB run on stage to see what happened, and DMB's mouth drops)

DMB: YOU BROKE MY EXODIA PROP?!?! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH THAT THING COST? HUH, DO YA?! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY! I'LL SHOW YOU FUNNY! (DMB snaps himself up to Yami's dueling platform)

Yami: I'm in trouble, aren't I?

LE: Well, when he has that look in his eye and that tone in his voice, all I can say is it was nice knowing you, Yami!

Yami: Help!

(DMB jumps on Yami and a cloud of dust issues, and punching noises are heard)

LE: We are sorry for any inconvenience, but this chapter must end now because of the sudden uproar between Yami and DMB. Reviewers, you decide who you think will win. (Grabs popcorn and seat and sits down in front of the cloud of dust, munching popcorn.)

Kaiba: Are you going to share any of that?


	2. The Chicken Dance

LE: Um, guys, we're starting the next chapter.

(Camera moves to left to see DMB shooting some sort of ray gun at Yami. Yami is screaming bloody murder and running for his life)

DMB: Oh Yami. I've got a present for ya. (One might note that DMB sounds as if he's on the verge of insanity. DMB shoots ray gun again and finally hits Yami. Yami is frozen in a red light, hovering above the floor. All he can move is his mouth, and eyes.)

Yugi: What's going on?!?

DMB: One of my favorite little gadgets. The truth ray.

LE: (A wide evil grin spreads across her face and she stares at Yami with a look of payback in her eyes)

Yami: (Laughs nervously) What did I ever do to you?

DMB: Well, you cost me my Exodia prop and I'm going to have to buy another one thanks to the stupid rare hunter in the sequel who summons it in his duel with Joey.

LE: And you wouldn't stop annoying the heck out of me in my other fic, _Mirror of the Soul_. (Pauses for a moment and then stares at DMB) Say, didn't I kill you in that fic?

DMB: Well, ya got me. (Pulls down chart and scene replays. DMB is shown dangling with his friends in cheap looking costumes above a mutated sea bass pit. An explosion of anger suddenly sends them into the pit, and the water turns red.) By all accounts, it doesn't make sense. (Chart suddenly falls from the sky, and they look up to see that they're still in the Kaiba vs. Yami arena which is outside, and realize that the chart was connected to the sky.)

LE: That was……. odd. Oh well, back to business.

DMB: First question. (Turns to Yami) Was that intentional when your tunic disappeared in that speech to all of Egypt?

Yami: No. Ha, it looks like your truth ray doesn't work!

DMB: That's because it's on low. (Cranks dial on laser gun, and Yami starts spasming)

Yami: YES, IT WAS INTENTIONAL!!!! (Closes mouth and stares at it as if it isn't even his)

LE: Next question. What is your favorite T.V. show?

Yami: (Mouth opens without control) Teletubbies.

DMB: What's your deepest darkest secret?

Yami: Oh please, no! (Loses control again) I sneak into Luthien Eowyn's closet and try on her clothes!

LE: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

DMB: My, that was shocking! Well, my sister will get to pummel Yami later. We need to get started. (DMB whacks the laser gun and Yami is free. LE is ready to strangle Yami, but DMB snaps fingers and everybody is in place for Yugi's first duel with Pegasus.) Man, we skipped a lot!

(Stage lights up and Grandpa walks in with a package)

Solomon: Time for your lethon.

Joey: What lethon?

Solomon: Ecthuthe me, I have thomething in my teeth. (Turnsth around for a quick sthecond and then turnsth around with normal voice)

Solomon: Sorry about that. Oh and Yugi, you got this package.

T.V.: Hey, shut up gramps, it's my line! Anyway, Rex and Weevil are dueling to their last wits with incredible strategy. Let's shut up and watch.

(Okay, this is getting dull already. I'm going to fast forward.)

Joey: Who da heck was that?

(Suddenly, everything fast forwards to Yugi opening the package. Nobody even notices this time)

Tea: I noticed.

(I said **nobody** noticed, ok?)

Tea: Ok.

Joey: What's in it?

Tristan: Well how bout you let him open it.

Joey: Ya wanna make something of it?

Tristan: Ladies first.

Tea: Oh, no thanks.

Tristan: Not you, Joey.

Tea: But why would you call him a…… oh, I get it.

(Mental Note: One who laughs last thinks slowest)

Yugi: (Opens package and sees the dueling glove, star chips, and video tape) Mmmm, star chips, one of my favorites! (Grabs the two star chips and stuffs them in his mouth)

DMB: Okay, you can suck on them, but just don't… (Yugi swallows) swallow them.

Yugi: But aren't star chips the new candy that's sweeping the nation?

BMB: First of all, it's called "Starbursts." And second of all, you just ate the limited edition gold ones.

Yugi: Are they peach flavored or something?

DMB: No, they're gold flavored. And really made of gold.

Yugi: (Grabs throat and turns as red as the outline of his star shaped hair and faints.)

LE: Hospital!

(Paramedics burst through the door and take Yugi away)

DMB: Good thinking! We need to get him healed as soon as possible!

LE: Okay, first of all, Fan fiction authors need to be as heartless to their characters as possible when they are actually taking a role in their own story. Second of all, I accidentally called the hospital. I actually meant to call the pizza place to tell them that they had gotten the pizza wrong. The only reason I had said "Hospital" was when I saw Yugi, that's the first thing that popped into my mind. Anywho, moving on, Yami will have to fill in for Yugi.

Yami: Ohhhhhh, do I have to?

DMB: You heard the lady, get into a less sharp version of what you're wearing, make your eyes look like bambie eyes, make sure your yellow hair spikes stay down, not stick up, and cut a few inches off of your height.

Yami: Just one question. How do I get shorter?

LE: I'll take care of that. (Pulls out a giant pair of scissors that are labeled "Height Whacker")

Yami: But how will I get the height back?

DMB: A very painful process that does not have any needed pain. We just put the pain in the surgery for the surgeon's personal entertainment while they work away using the elevation tools.

Yami: Oh no.

DMB: (Pulls out cell phone and dials a number) Hello? So Good, They're Scary Contacts? Mack, it's DMB. I need a special order.

Mack: What kinda special order.

DMB: Bambie-Eyes.

Mack: You got it.

(Suddenly, the doorbell to Kaiba Corp rings and a delivery man walks in and tosses a package to Yami. Yami opens package and pulls out a pair of contacts that oddly resemble Yugi's eyes and a video that is labeled "How to put contacts in in less than 5 seconds")

LE: (Pulls out a much cooler looking cell phone (Nokia) and dials a number) Hello? Anime Costume Store? I need a Yugi school uniform.

(Doorbell rings and a 2nd delivery person walks in with a replicant of Yugi's clothes and tosses them to Yami)

DMB: Now all we need to change is his yellow spikes. Does anyone have any hair spray?

Joey: I got some? (Tosses a can of hair spray to Yami)

DMB: Thanks Joey. (Pauses for a quick second) Hey wait a minute, why are you carrying around hair spray?

Joey: Cause'

DMB: Oh, who gives a crap. (Walks over to Yami and drags him into the boy's bathroom)

(One can hear construction going under work. Literally! Chainsaws and bulldozers are heard. A saw sawing away at a log can also be heard. And also constant beeps and booms. The door then opens and reveals a taller version of Yugi)

LE: My turn. (Drags out the Height Whacker and begins whacking Yami with it until he looks exactly like Yugi)

DMB: One last thing. (Pulls out a bottle of perfume that is labeled "Essence of Yugi's voice" and sprayed some of it into Yami's throat. Yami coughs for a few seconds until finally, he is exactly like Yugi.)

Yami: Can we get this over with already?

DMB: Well how bout ya get into spot so we can continue, huh?

Yami: Fine. (Runs to the spot Yugi was in and starts off) I wonder what this stuff is.

Joey: How bout ya pop that video in the T.V. and find out.

Yami: Ok. (Gets the tape out of the package and puts it into the VCR)

(T.V. begins crackling and suddenly, Teletubbies comes on)

DMB: What the heck?

Yami: How did that get in there? (Ejects video, tosses it off screen and puts the correct video into the T.V. Suddenly, Pegasus appears.)

Pegasus: Greetings, Little Yugi.

Yami: Who's that?

Solomon: I think it's Maximillion Pegasus.

Pegasus: No, really. Anyway, moving on. I've arranged a special little duel, right here, right…… I'm sorry, I can't see that.

(Camera turns around to reveal some random guy holding up Pegasus's lines.)

DMB: WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY WANT TO MEMORIZE THEIR LINES, HUH?!?

I'M GONNA WANNA PUNCH SOMEONE IF NOBODY COOPERATES!!!!!!!!

(Camera turns back around to show Pegasus)

Pegasus: Oh, that's what it says. Now.

Yami: You want me to go inside the box?

DMB: Yes, Yami, he wants you to go into the box.

Yami: How?

DMB: Stand up, stick your rear in the air, and squawk like a chicken.

Yami: Ok. (Follows DMB's instruction's and suddenly gets sucked into the T.V.)

DMB: I DIDN'T ACTUALLY EXPECT IT TO WORK!!!!

LE: Well; he's in there, so let's get ready for the next scene.

(Joey, Tea. Tristan, and Solomon are painted blue and a pink bulb drops over the scene.)

DMB: Who worked on the props huh? I remember ordering Shadow-Realm, not Candy-Land!

LE: Well guess what, we can't continue to the next chapter till specific things are taken care of.

DMB: What specific things?

LE: Well, Yami needs to have his surgery since he's in the next scene, and we'll need to find a Shadow-Realm Bulb Repairer while people are reviewing.

DMB: (Throws hands into the air into fists) WHAT'S IT TAKE, HUH?

(Suddenly, a rain cloud appears above DMB's head)

LE: Apparently that. Anywho, I gotta go beat up Yami. I said I would in the beginning of the chapter. (Snaps her fingers and ends up in the television)

DMB: Well, all I can say is, the faster you review, the faster I get rid of this rain cloud and update.


	3. The Annoyingly Long Chapter Title

**__**

Behind the Cards

Chapter 3: Bakura…… or is it Ryou….. Or is it both of them?

By Dark Magician Boy and Luthien Eowyn

DMB: Thanks Jgal for getting rid of that stupid rain cloud. It was annoying the heck outta me!

LE: Dark Magician Boy, we're ready to start

DMB: (Does a double take) Where did you come from?

LE: (Sighs) Our parents, but that's not important right now. Yugi is all healed and what not, and he's ready to come back.

DMB: How did he heal so fast?

LE: He healed while that gigantic iceberg you call a writer's block thawed. Afterwards, they extracted the stars while we cleaned up the studio. Then Yami got turned back into Yami while Yugi healed back to healthy healthiness. Finally, the kids went trick or treating and snuck away to go to Mars.

DMB: What, huh?

LE: (Sighs) He healed while that gigantic….

DMB: NO!!!!! OH! Who cares anyway? Let's just get the damn bulb repaired.

LE: Well, do you know any people?

DMB: (Breathes in to say something really long) No.

(Hours later, DMB and LE have gone through piles and piles of phone books)

LE: Oh! Oh! How about this guy? (Shows DMB a name)

DMB: "Ron the Ruper Man?"

LE: No, not that one!

DMB: (Looks further down) Ryou Bakura and Bakura Ryou: Shadow Bulb repairers. "If you need to steal someone's soul, steal it with a shadow realm bulb. And if you need to fix it, we're the hikari and yami for the job.

DMB: If I weren't distracted by that annoyingly long slogan, I'd say no, but ok.

(LE makes the call, and a few hours later, a car arrives with two white haired teens. One of them taller than the other. The two get out of the car and run up to the studio)

DMB: It doesn't look like they have any tools

LE: Oh, let's just see what they can do. It could be worth some laughs

(The first one walks in. This one is the shorter one)

Ryou: Hello. Did somebody at Kaiba Corp studio call for a shadow bulb repair.

DMB: I did (Points at pink clouded bulb)

LE: (Thinking) Rats. I thought they were going to be cute

Ryou: Bakura. They sure do have a serious problem.

(The second one walks in. This is the taller, more confident looking one. LE doesn't care to notice, but opens her eyes for a peak at the newcomer. Her eyes become wide, her mouth flops open, her tongue rolls out, and she starts babbling like crazy. Bakura looks at the drooling teen, and for a few seconds does the same)

DMB: (Snaps fingers in front of LE's face a couple times) Hello? Luthien?

(Ryou starts doing the same to Bakura. Bakura regains his cool much faster. A few seconds later, LE regains her composure. They both chuckle a little at each other. LE smiles seductively and Bakura wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. I'm guessing you know the magnetic pull that's pulling at both of them. No, it isn't curly fries. No, it isn't soda either. For crying out loud! It's-)

DMB: So can you two do the job?

Ryou: Oh yes. (Takes Bakura by the hand who is as stiff as a board, and Ryou shakes him down) (Through mind link) Just because you see a girl that you think is…… well…… attractive doesn't mean you have to show it.

Bakura: (Also through mind link) But she's a damn sexy girl.

Ryou: (one might note that the rest of the conversation will be through mind link.) No, Bakura! Don't say it! She's our employer and you are not allowed to think of her that way!

Bakura: You're no fun, Ryou. I'll bet if you had just one good fuck you'd change your tune.

Ryou: AH! MY VIRGIN MIND!

Bakura: You're too innocent for your own good.

Ryou: Behave, Bakura! We're still on the job after all.

Bakura: Oh, that's no fun. All I need is one minute alone with her and she'd be all mine. I mean look at her, Ryou. That has got to be the most excellent body I've ever seen. And I bet she would look even better in some really…tight…black…leather. (starts drooling)

Ryou: STOP! I can't take anymore. It's just too disturbing.

DMB: (Through mind link) Hey, I don't have a mind link!

(Ryou takes out his Millennium Ring, and forces Bakura to take out his. The rings begin glowing, and the bulb transforms from pink to dark purple)

LE: Wow you guys are pretty good.

DMB: Any chance you guys might want to try out for our series, Behind the Cards. I'm pretty sure you guys would do great in the two available roles.

(LE looks at her brother, and jumps at the chance of keeping Bakura at the studio)

LE: Let's hold the tryouts now!

Bakura: Uhhhh

LE: Perfect! You're in. What about you? (Looks at Ryou)

Ryou: Well since you let him in, I am required to go. Due to our strange, but true bond, I can't leave him.

LE: Good enough.

DMB: Ok, that was quick. Well back to the show.

LE: Oh, do we have to. I wanna get to know our new stars. Mostly, the hot one, but can we?

DMB: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You think Bakura's hot?

LE: Let's just say, If I was cold, he would be my heat.

DMB: But Luthien. You don't get cold. And that line was so corny, it was grosser than gross.

LE: (Brainstorms a solution) Uh, yes I do! I just pretend that it isn't there. But now that he's here, I won't have to worry about being cold. This guy is so hot, he could heat the entire studio. (Looks over to see DMB barfing)

LE: Too much?

DMB: Uh, yeah. Pretty much!

(Meanwhile, in the T.V. (That sounds so cliché, doesn't it?))

Yami: Ok Pegasus. You will not stop my puzzle and I.

(Pegasus walks over and smashes puzzle)

Yami: You stopped me.

Pegasus: Yes, chop, chop, can we just get around to the "Me stealing your grandpa's soul" part.

Yami: (Filing nails) Go ahead.

(Grandpa's soul hops out of his body and walks into the T.V. that is in front of Yami, and the shadow bulb disappears, Yami is replaced with a new and improved Yugi, and the blue makeup on Tea, Joey, Tristan, and Grandpa disappear. Grandpa's body falls over with a farting noise, and Tea, Joey, and Tristan fall down as well.)

DMB: Oh my. (Faints as well along with LE, Ryou, and Bakura.)

(Oh dear (Narrator faints))

XXX……(Xs faint)

Backup Narrator who happens to have a gas mask: I…… (Faints)

Backup for Backup Narrator with a **working** gas mask: (Faints)

(It is…… (Letters faint)

(Hey, If the letters faint, then how am I talking? (Random voice gets punched in the face. (Saying just said faints)))

(Writer faints)

Lsdfcvni fhreuawihpiuvftnhucihiuhb uihniuvfniuprcmi aurheacuipcrny8rueivnyui iuytaeitunvypiey9p573vn9 q76nf5my0r89cm8druioueoauivn957q369vgn9y3985u7

(Oh, that hurt. This is a few hours later)

DMB: Sorry about that. I fainted on my keyboard.

Ryou: What's that supposed to mean?

DMB: How should I know?

Ryou: Well, you and Luthien are the narrators of this story aren't you?

LE: No, we're in the story. The guy that talks in between the parenthesis is the narrator.

(She is right about that one)

Ryou: Oh. Well. That was an odd first few hours on the job.

Bakura: Ditto.

DMB: Double ditto.

LE: Triple ditto

DMB: How many dittos are there?

LE: You got me. But who cares now? Tonight is movie night, and we don't have anywhere to have our movie night.

Bakura: (Realizes that he and Ryou could host their movie night in the millennium ring.) I did? (Yes, I'm the narrator, remember? I'm supposed to tell you everything.) Oh. Could you tell me some more things?

(Sure. Bakura plans after two movies have finished to send DMB and Ryou to get snacks, so he can get some **alone** time with LE)

Bakura: Oh, thanks.

(No problem)

Ryou: Bakura, who are you talking to?

Bakura: Uh…. Say, how about you have your movie night in the Millennium Ring.

LE: (Catches on to Bakura's little plot) Oh, thanks. What do you have?

Bakura: (Through mind link) Ryou, what do girls like these days at a guy's house. Or, soul room actually.

Ryou: (Mind link obviously) Oh, oh, big screen T.V. with surround sound…(the rest of what Ryou says is through mind link till I say he's done.)

Bakura: (Actually talking) A big screen T.V. with surround sound….

Ryou: Snacks. Yes, plenty of snacks.

Bakura: Plenty of snacks.

Ryou: Comfortable couch beds.

Bakura: Couch beds.

Ryou: And working toilets!

Bakura: And working toilets! (Through mind link) Huh?

Ryou: Oops, that's something I like.

(Okay, Ryou's done now talking through mind link)

LE: Um, okay, sure. That last part was odd but I think we can manage. Do you mind, DMB?

DMB: Nope!

Yami: Perfect! Yugi and I are going to have a party in the puzzle inviting the entire cast.

LE: Than why weren't we invited?

Yugi: Well, those two were just enrolled, and you two are just plain mean to us.

DMB: Cold, but true.

Bakura: Ok, meet us a few hours later at the lunch table.

(A few hours later at the lunch table)

LE: Where are they?

DMB: I brought all our horror movies, action movies, romance movies, I don't know why you demanded but, porn movies, and popcorn.

(Bakura and Ryou walk into the studio, empty handed)

DMB: So where are we going to have movie night?

(Ryou holds up his millennium ring, and Bakura holds his up. A beam shoots from each one, and a door is made)

Ryou: Bakura, did you bring the key?

Bakura: What, do you expect me to do have everything?

Ryou: Well, do you?

Bakura: Yes. (Pulls out key and unlocks door. He walks in first, then Ryou. Next, LE, and then, DMB. The door closes automatically behind DMB, and shrinks down to the Millennium Ring lying on the floor)

LE: Nice place.

(They are in a golden hallway leading to a kitchen, a living room, and of course, a bathroom)

DMB: So what do you want to watch first?

(They decide on a horror movie where the killer killed the entire continent and ruled the world)

Bakura: (Crying) I always love happy endings.

(Next was the movie, Titanic. For that, just for a theme, Ryou turned the light to a deep blue. And after it was over, Bakura and LE's plan activated)

Bakura: Uh, Ryou, that last movie made me a little hungry. How 'bout you get us some pretzels, nachos, sodas, and stuff.

Ryou: (Sighs) Fine. (Gets up and walks into the kitchen)

LE: Say, how about you go and help him by whipping up a few pizzas.

DMB: Do I have to?

LE: (Eyes turn fiery red.) JUST DO IT!!!

DMB: Eep! (Runs into the kitchen with Ryou.)

Bakura: So, Luthien.

LE: (turns to Bakura and leans closer. Bakura shudders with anticipation, closes his eyes and leans towards her. But she pulls away at the last second and Bakura leans too far forward and his face falls directly into her lap.) Hmm, getting a little bit ahead of ourselves aren't we. It's kinda hot in here, don't you think?

Bakura: Oh, playing hard to get are we. That won't last long. You know you want me, Luthien. You can't resist.

LE: On the contrary. I think it's you who can't resist. (slowly unbuttons her very tight blouse and sheds it. She leans forward again.) What do you think?

(Bakura sits in stunned, drooling silence for a few minutes before grabbing LE and throwing her down on the couch. He kisses her roughly on the mouth before giving her a dazed look.)

Bakura: I want you.

(Bakura snaps his fingers. The lights turn entirely off, and the couch turns into a very comfortable bed. He shoves LE under him and they resume their activities wink, wink)

XXX

Ryou: Which one of these is simmer?

DMB: How should I know? I've never grilled burgers!

(Suddenly, a voice sounds from the darkened living room.)

LE: DO ME, BITCH!!!!

Ryou: What the heck does that mean?

DMB: I don't know!

(Due to their griping, they don't notice Yugi walking in)

Yugi: Do you guys have any Cherry Coke, we're out?

DMB: In the fridge. (Does a double take)

Both Ryou and DMB: Yugi?!?

Yugi: We ran out of Cherry Coke, and Yami wouldn't leave, so he made me go. I walked a few inches, saw that the door was open, and walked in.

Ryou: It wasn't open. It wasn't even there.

Yugi: (Holds up key) I found this on the floor.

DMB: Oh, well. Did you hear what my sister yelled?

Yugi: Yes, actually I did. When I opened the door, I kind of expected "Hi Yugi!" But instead, I get 'Do me, bitch' instead.

Ryou: So, let's go find out.

(The three walk to the living room and see that it's darkened. All they hear is the ruffle of covers. So Ryou reaches for the light switch)

DMB: Please review!

Yugi: What does that mean?

DMB: I don't know! I just always wanted to say it!


	4. Playing Dirty

**__**

Behind the Cards

Chapter 4: Playing Dirty

By Dark Magician Boy & Luthien Eowyn

Ryou: My god, what took you so long to actually write, huh?

DMB: Because pizza is tasty. By the way, sorry, I didn't know that girls liked working toilets. Sorry Jgal!

Yugi: Then why does Ryou like working toilets?

Ryou: Uh, say how bout' we get this chapter going and turn on the lights!

DMB & Yugi: K'

LE & Bakura: NO!!!!!!!!!

DMB: Oh please, what have you got to hide? It not like you're having… (turns on lights and they see Bakura and LE in bed, together, clothes less, and, well, you know).

DMB: (Finishes) sex.

(The three boys stare a little while, and suddenly, their Anime styled eyes get annoyingly wide)

DMB: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bakura: (Looks at LE) What's a matter with him?

LE: (Shrugs).

Ryou: That is a hell of a thing.

Bakura: A LITTLE PRIVACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ryou: No! I don't mean YOUR thing, I mean the situation.

Bakura: I don't care!

Ryou: Sheesh!

Yugi: (Crying) All I wanted was some Cherry Coke! (Falls to the floor)

Bakura: (Sounding hopeful) Is he dead?

Yugi: No, I'm not dead! Just because someone falls down doesn't mean they're dead!

LE: Listen, you three! You will not tell anyone about this! Capish?

DMB: Are you kidding? This is serious dirt! There's nothing you can do to stop us from telling.

LE: Drat, he's right.

Bakura: Wellllllll (Reaches into stomach magically and pulls out his ribs that crumble away).

Yugi: Ewe.

Bakura: That is what I'll do to you if you tell. You will keep this secret till the end of your lives.

LE: (Thinking) Oh, he's good.

DMB: Except maybe that.

(A few days later. Few have noticed the high amount of twitching coming from Ryou, Yugi, and Dark Magician Boy. Not only that, but no one has noticed the also high amount of dreamy looks jumping back and forth between Luthien Eowyn and Bakura)

DMB: (Very scared) Is my life over yet?

Yugi: (Also scared) No. I think mine is.

Ryou: (Scared, obviously) No, mine is.

DMB: (Snapping out of it) Don't you have any dirty laundry on Bakura?

Ryou: Well…

(A few hours later, Ryou has poured the entire works of Bakura's 5,000 page diary (A page per year), and DMB and Yugi are laughing their heads off. A few hours after that, they have snuck into Ryou's soul room and stolen every single shred of Bakura's secrets).

Yugi: This is going to be good.

(Slowly, one by one, they slip into the cafeteria where Bakura and LE were touching lips very passitionateley, AKA, French kissing. And also, one by one, the three begin giggling.)

Bakura: (Stops kissing) What's so funny? You didn't tell, did you? Because if you did…. (Gets up and hand starts glowing)

DMB: (In motherly voice) Oh, don't do that around…. (voice changes to threatening and holds up a purple stuffed pig).

Bakura: Captain Fuzzypants!

LE: Captain Fuzzypants?

DMB: Captain Fuzzypants.

Bakura: Diabound! Get Captain Fuzzypants. (Bakura's ka coils down his arm in mist form, and jumps toward DMB. DMB holds up the pig as a shield).

DMB: Any violence and the pig gets it!

LE: Don't worry, Bakura. I've got this. (Holds up a golden hand mirror with the Eye of Horus on the back of it).

DMB: The Millennium Mirror!!!! But that's your character's millennium item!

LE: Since I made it up, I get to keep it. With my own Yami of course. (A projection of a sharper looking version of LE appears, coming from the mirror).

DMB: I thought the original you was scary enough.

LE: (A pillar of light blasts from the Millennium Mirror, heading towards Dark Magician Boy, Yugi, and Ryou).

DMB: (Going over options). Save Ryou and Yugi, humiliate Bakura and Luthien. Save Ryou and Yugi, humiliate Bakura and Luthien. Save Ryou and Yugi, giant slice of cheese pizza! (Thinks of the treat and tongue rolls out).

Ryou: HELP!

DMB: (Thinking) What am I going to do? Will I ever get my slice of pizza? Why am I asking you all of these questions?

(DMB thinks more)

DMB: No, I didn't!

(Yes, you did)

DMB: No, I didn't!

( Oh, for the love of Pete! You realized that right there and then that you could have your own Millennium Item!)

DMB: Oh yeah. I forgot that little glitch about how every fan fiction author gets their own specialized Millennium Item. But what's mine?

(DMB is now lost in thought, until from offstage, someone throws a golden pocket watch at DMB's head, and hits him directly.)

DMB: OW! That really, really hurt! Who throws a random Millennium Item. Honestly! (Picks up the pocket watch, and realizes that it is indeed the one, the only, the Millennium Pocket Watch!!! Ba-ba bum!). Wow! That barely ever happens. (Holds up pocket watch, and Luthien with Bakura are frozen in time, along with the blast).

Ryou: I'm dead. I'm dead, I died, I'm dead. (Looks up along with Yugi and sees the blast has been frozen in time).

Yugi: Cool.

DMB: Now that I have this thing (tosses Millennium Pocket Watch into the air, and catches it), they can no longer torture us. (Background begins to darken, in a dramatic way). TODAY IS A REVOLUTION!

Ryou: Cool.

Yugi: Wanna go get some pizza?

DMB & Ryou: Yeah, sure.

(The three walk off the scene, and after a few decades (cough) excuse me, minutes, it wears off, and the blast breaks through the wall that was behind DMB, Yugi, and Ryou. Captain Fuzzypants (snicker) is now lying on the floor. Bakura zaps the pig, and it is absorbed into the Millennium Ring)

LE: That was…… unexpected.

Bakura: They are going to pay. I swear on the soul of Zork that **THEY WILL PAY!!!**

LE: This ought to be good.

(A few days later, during a recording, they were on a ship)

DMB: Aaaaand, ACTION!

(Yugi and Joey had just met Mai)

Joey: Please crush me.

Mai: Ok. (Pulls out a giant mallet and whacks Joey to the size of a trash can top).

LE: Does anybody want to do mouth to mouth resuscitation?

Kaiba: I'LL DO IT!!!! (Everyone stares at Kaiba for a few minutes, then everyone pretends it never happened).

(Eventually, after some serious coaxing, Ryou goes and gets a tank of helium, and fills Joey with it. For the next few minutes, Joey sounds like he was kicked in the balls)

(A few minutes later, they are out on deck **alone**, and Yugi gives Joey the Time Wizard, just as Weevil comes out and asks to see the 5 cards of Exodia)

Weevil: May I see those legendary cards. (The cards are handed to Weevil). I never thought of a way to defeat these cards. Until now. (Throws cards overboard, and they are immediately blown back upwards by a random updraft, and back into Weevil's hands. Weevil tries five more times, and he fails five times). WHAT IS WITH THESE CARDS?!?

Yugi: Here, let me help you with that. (Throws cards down successfully).

Weevil: Thanks Yugi.

Yugi: No problem. Anyway, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joey: What's wrong? Those were the only Exodia cards your grandpa had, and he gave those to you as a gift that you cherish forever and ever and ever…

(A few pages later)

Joey: … and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever?

Yugi: No! My cherry gum was stuck on the back of the head!

Joey: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DMB: What's with all the exclamations in pairs of fourteen?

LE: That means they're mad. If it's fifteen, they're really mad. If it's sixteen, then they are mad sad, surprised, and playing mediocre music.

DMB: I'm just gonna forget that last part, and get Yugi and Joey to calm down.

LE: Too late, they're already overboard.

(The two run to the edge and see the two boys swimming towards the cards)

DMB: We have to save Yugi. Joey isn't important now.

Kaiba: YES HE IS! (Jumps overboard and saves Joey)

DMB: Ok, since when has there been a hint of Kaiba liking Joey, though I just won't believe it.

LE: We forgot the last hint, remember?

DMB: Oh yeah. (Uses Millennium Pocket Watch to get Yugi out of the water just before a great white sharks was about to eat him).

Yugi: Well, that was close. (Pops his retrieved gum into his mouth, and DMB runs to the side and pukes).

LE: That was enough for one day. Time to turn in.

(Everyone goes to bed on the ship, but two of them remain awake. Two scheming and planning and laughing and having tea and crumpets)

Bakura: What do you have in mind?

LE: I say we give each of them a bad dream by using our Millennium items to enter there minds.

Bakura: Good thinking. Let's get Ryou first.

(Slowly, the two sneak into Ryou's room and then, his mind, and give him the worst dream of his life)

Ryou: Thank you, thank you. Oh, I'm pretty sure anybody could have perfected toilet paper!

Random Audience Member: What are you going to do now, Mr. Ryou?

Ryou: I think I'll get rid of the aftertaste of food now!

Bakura: In your dreams!

Ryou: But this is my dreams.

Bakura: Exactly. This isn't happening.

Ryou: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Bakura and LE hop out of Ryou's head, and run over to DMB's room, and then, into his dream)

(DMB can be seen chowing down on dozens of pizzas, and the delivery guy constantly walking in with twelve boxes of pizza each time)

DMB: Thanks. (Coughs out some).

(The delivery guy walks out again, but DMB doesn't notice that it is really Luthien. LE sets down the pizzas in front of DMB.)

DMB: (Opens the box and to his horror, it is pepperoni (He only eats cheese)!) NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The pair jumps out of his head and run to Yugi's room, then into Yugi's head. The two see Yugi flying overhead connected to a cherry bubble. Bakura waves his hand and the bubble turns to grape.)

Yugi: NOT GRAPE!

(Luthien waves her hand, and the bubble pops, leaving Yugi to fall to the ground, which is suddenly covered in spikes. Yugi falls onto the spikes, wakes up, and outside, LE and Bakura fall out of a random dream bubble floating just outside of Yugi's head)

Bakura: Wow, we made great time!

LE: Yeah, in only one page. Well, time to go to bed.

Bakura: Wait a minute! We need to do at least one more page.

LE: Oh, don't worry. Yugi, Ryou, and my brother will get their revenge in tomorrow's page which is just about….. Now!

(Suddenly, the background changes to day time, and everyone is up and ready)

DMB: They are so dead.

Yugi: They made me stay up till'

Ryou: He's an embarrassment of a Yami.

DMB: Let's get em.

(The theme suddenly changes to an old western film. Bakura and Luthien are on one side of a street, and Yugi, DMB, and Ryou are on the other side. Luthien and Bakura are dressed in outlaw clothes, DMB, Ryou, and Yugi are dressed in cowboy clothes, and everyone is armed with their Millennium items. The cast is hiding on one side of the street, or the other, each dressed in townspeople clothes. Except for Yami, who was the mayor.)

(DMB, Ryou, and Yugi, or, cowboys begin walking in their boots which are stiff and make noises every step)

Yugi: How do cowboys walk in these things?

(Bakura and Luthien, or, outlaws begin walking in their more comfortable boots)

(It is clear that DMB is the sheriff, Yugi is the sheriff apprentice, and Ryou is the lone stranger)

DMB: Hey, I want to be the lone stranger!

(Oh well)

DMB: What do you mean oh well?

(I mean 'oh well'. As in, I don't care)

DMB: Can we hire a new narrator?

(Sorry, I'm here for life)

Ryou: Oh, who cares?

Yugi: Yeah.

DMB: Oh, fine. DRAW!

(Each person holds their item forward, and a blast issues. The blasts meet, and form a ball that swallows the entire street. When it clears, they are in space. Bakura is dressed in a robe, and Luthien is dressed in a cape and helmet, and has a light saber at her side. In short terms, Bakura was the Evil Emperor, and Luthien is Darth Vader. DMB is in white tattered clothes with a green light saber at his side, Yugi is in a brown vest and brown pants, with a white under shirt, with a blaster at his side, and Ryou has on a white gown, a blaster at his side, and a very strange hairdo. In also short terms, DMB was Luke, Yugi was Han Solo, and Ryou was Princess Leah)

Ryou: Hey, I don't wanna be Leah!

Bakura: Tough luck, you got to be the lone stranger, so now, you have the ridiculous part.

(The five are in a spaceship, and the cast is dressed in Star Wars clothes, looking through a window).

DMB: Bring it on. (Jumps forward and light saber activates. Luthien jumps forward, and her light saber activates. The two begin to fight (Duh)).

(Yugi and Ryou run forward to battle Bakura, and start blasting him with blasts, and Bakura begins shocking them with shocks! No, not really. Just lightning)

LE: You have learned much since our first battle, but there is something I must tell you.

DMB: What?

LE: I am…….. YOUR SISTER!

DMB: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Blasts Luthien with his Pocket Watch, and the scene changes (again). Now, DMB: Ryou, and Yugi are in a jeep in explorer clothes, and it is raining outside. Suddenly, a claw stamps down, and the three look out to see two giant T-Rexes. The bigger one has Bakura eyes and hair, and the slightly smaller one had Luthien's eyes and hair. Not heads, just the eyes and hair.)

DMB: DRIVE!

Yugi: I don't know how!

DMB: Not you, Ryou. He's qualified.

(Ryou jumps into the driver seat and takes off, with Luthien and Bakura close on their tails. They are driving the wheels off nearly, until they come to a cliff. So DMB, Ryou, and Yugi take their Millennium items, and combine the blasts into one super, mondo, mega, gigantic blast that hits Luthien and Bakura, and the scene changes again. They are now on top of a building. Luthien and Bakura are dressed in tuxedoes, and DMB, Ryou, and Yugi are dressed in trench coats, and have sun glasses.

LE: Dark Magician Boy, you are the one that will save the people within the Matrix. (Grabs a gun and starts shooting at the three).

(Yugi and Ryou make an excellent jump aside, but DMB, who slowly falls back as the world goes into slow motion, and he narrowly avoids the bullets. Yugi and Ryou take their Millennium items and blast the bullets. The scene changes once again. This time, they are in their ordinary clothes, but they each notice something. They are within a Hyper Cube Room (You know, that horror movie where the people were stuck in a hyper cube and couldn't get out?))

Ryou: Oh, just great, how are we supposed to get out?

LE: Like this. (Opens a door that only leads to another room). Great.

DMB: Maybe if we just keep going up.

Bakura: I say we go left.

Ryou: No, right.

LE: I say down.

(The four are arguing for hours on end, but then, Yugi interrupts)

Yugi: Uh, guys?

All four: WHAT!

Yugi: May I remind you that we each have magic.

DMB: I feel stupid.

LE: You are stupid.

DMB: I am not!

(They each hold up their Millennium item, and are sucked into the next room, then up, then left, right , then down, then down again, then left, then right, and it is continuous until they are pulled through the correct door that spits them out into the studio. They look behind to see the door to the Hyper Cube which suddenly vanishes.)

DMB: You'd think we would have noticed that before. Anyway, tell me what you think in your reviews, readers.

Bakura: That's it? That's the end of the chapter? Come on, we didn't even destroy each other. I mean wasn't that the value of the chapter?

DMB: Uh, no, it wasn't. The value of the chapter, and the whole entire story is just to make people laugh their heads off. Duh! Does anyone wanna go to Dairy Queen?

LE: Sure.

Yugi: Cherry coating for me!

Ryou: I'm game.

Bakura: Sure, fine.


	5. I Dream of Yugi

****

Behind the Cards

By Dark Magician Boy and Luthien Eowyn

Chapter 5: I Dream of Yugi

(Dark Magician Boy can be seen napping in a chair in an empty studio. He fell asleep, and everyone is at lunch. So **I'll** be introducing the chapter today. Yugi walks in to get DMB)

Yugi: Oh Dark Magician Boy! It's lunch time!

DMB: (Sleep talking) Sales pricing! But I need that slab of concrete! I'll teach you a lesson! (Begins thrashing).

Yugi: HEY! WAKE UP!

(Dark Magician Boy wakes up, and hits his head on Yugi's very large hair, and goes unconscious).

Yugi: Oh crud. Uh, Yami?

(Little Yugi hairdos can be seen swirling around Dark Magician Boy. Meanwhile, in Dark Magician Boy's sub consciousness)

(DMB is still napping, but he is this time in his house. Suddenly, DMB wakes up, and decides to pick up a random magazine and read it)

DMB: (Talking out loud) President Yugi elected? Yugi Basset rejected? (Looks at cover of the magazine) YM, the Yugi Magazine? (Tosses it aside). What kind of magazine is that? (Turns on television)

Television: Evil stalks the night. And only one can slay this evil! (A Yugi with fangs and black cape jumps up on the screen), YUGI! THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!

DMB: Oh please. (Changes channel).

T.V.: Tonight on _Yugfield_. (Yugi appears on screen, and he starts telling card jokes).

DMB: (Starting to get scared, he changes the channel).

T.V. Today on _I Love Yugi_. (Yugi's face appears in black and white on the screen, and his hair is in a bow, and he has make up on).

Yugi: But Yami! I wanna be in the show!

DMB: For crying out loud! (Switches off T.V.). I wonder how my dogs are doing?

(Suddenly, two dogs trot in, and they look up at DMB)

DMB: Hi guys.

(But then, unexpectedly, they both grow Yugi's hair and get Yugi eyes)

Girl Dog: (In Yugi voice) Hi Dark Magician Boy!

Boy Dog: (Also in Yugi voice) Hi Dark Magician Boy!

(DMB practically faints, but then realizes that on Fan Fiction, any animal can talk. But then he remembers the way they talked, their hair, and eyes).

DMB: I need to go for a walk. (Runs outside before his dogs can follow him, and he begins whistling happily while walking.) That's all I needed, a walk.

Random person watering lawn: Hi neighbor!

DMB: (Waves at RPWL) Hi RPWL! (Suddenly notices that the fat person is in a blue school uniform and has Yugi hair, and he shivers).

Random person raking lawn: Hi neighbor!

DMB: (Waves, then notices that RPRL has the same details as the last person, so he begins to walk faster, until he is at the end of his street, and he looks back at the street, and to his horror, everyone out on their lawn is dressed in a blue school uniform, and has Yugi hair).

Everyone out on their lawn: Hi neighbor!

DMB: AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs to the outside of the neighborhood, and towards the woods) Maybe here, I can relax without any interruptions coming from Yugi.

(Meanwhile, in the real world)

LE: What happened?

Yugi: He hit his head on my hair!

Yami: Ok, that's it! You're hair spray amount is going to go down now!

Yugi: Aw man.

Bakura: So is he dead or unconscious?

Yugi: Unconscious.

Bakura: (Thinking) Damn.

LE: Well, what do you think is going on in there? Not that I care.

Yugi: Well, he hit his head on my hair, so something about me.

(Meanwhile, in DMB's sub consciousness)

DMB: HELP!

(Little woodland creatures with Yugi's hair and eyes have surrounded him and begin saying 'That's what friends are for!)

(DMB keeps backing away, until his rump hits something soft. He turns around to see a flower with Yugi's face and hair)

Yugi Flower: Hi there! Do I smell pretty?

DMB: (Grabs flower and crumples it up, then throws it to the ground. Then, he runs out of the forest screaming, but then, he looks up at the sun to see it also has Yugi's face)

Yugi Sun: Hi Dark Magician Boy! It's a beautiful day!

DMB: I'VE ENTIRELY LOST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Meanwhile, in the real world)

DMB: I'VE ENTIRELY LOST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yami: Apparently, his dream about you isn't very nice.

Bakura: Ooooh, burn!

Yugi: It must be some sort of warped dream or something.

LE: Yeah, right. By the way, thanks Jgal! Just got your review. Sorry, but my bro's Pocket Watch just won't leave his side. Here, watch. (Holds up a treat towards the Pocket Watch. Suddenly, eyes appear on it, and the it opens up to reveal rows of sharp teeth, and it begins barking as it jumps forward and grabs the treat. It then pulls the treat towards itself until it is entirely in it's mouth. It swallows, barks some more, then turns back into a pocket watch).

Bakura: Well, that explains alot.

Ryou: Is there any way to get in there?

LE: If only we had some sort of magical object that allowed us to see inside his head, like my Millennium Mirror does.

Everyone else: Yeah.

LE: (rolls eyes).

(Meanwhile, in DMB's sub what's it called)

(By now, DMB had decided to go to Egypt. He didn't know why, he just figured it was a dream thing)

DMB: Do you have those cheesy peanuts on this flight?

(Flight attendant with Yugi hair walks up and hands him a miniature blue bag that has the words "Yugi Peanuts" on it, and Yugi's face on a peanut. DMB shivers, but then decides to eat them)

DMB: Wait a minute, how am I paying for this. (Reaches into pocket and pulls out a plastic card that says "Capital Yugi", and it says UNLIMITED ACCESS). Well, that's convenient. (Walks to the bathroom, and changes into PJ's). Why are these things so small?

(DMB walks out and settles into his chair, then sleeps until morning. Well, then again, he sleeps till he is woken up (Doesn't everyone?))

DMB: SALES PRICING! Man, I gotta stop yelling that. Who woke me up?

LE: I did. DMB, your asleep. You kind of have to wake up.

DMB: That explains a lot. But how do I know that you're not some dream figment. Ok, this is odd. Normally, someone is trying to prove it is a dream. But in this case, I'm trying to prove this isn't a dream. So how do I know this isn't a dream? BECAUSE you said I need to wake up. The real Luthien wouldn't want me to wake up.

LE: That doesn't make any sense.

DMB: Exactly!

LE: Which is why this a dream.

DMB: (Realizes the embarrassment of the moment) Oh yeah. So you are just a figment.

LE: Exactly. Just don't imagine me as a giant man eating squid.

DMB: Oh frick.

(Dream LE suddenly turns into a purple, giant man eating squid, and grabs DMB)

DMB: Why is it that dreams never work out the way you want them?

(Squid eats DMB. One might note that the squid also has Yugi hair. DMB lands inside of a stomach and gets burned up, and lands Egypt)

DMB: Wow, that was convenient.

(Meanwhile, in the studio)

Yugi: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joey: What? DMB is the director and without him, we can't continue with the series?

Yugi: NO! They gave me grapes instead of a cherry on my coke? Who eats grape on sodas? Who eats grapes on any drink? No offense to any readers.

LE: Joey is, however, right about one thing. If my brother doesn't wake up, then we are stuck at the point of just getting to Duelist Kingdom. We must find a way to intrude on his dream.

Ryou: Let me try. (Walks up to DMB's head and has a dramatic look on his face). OPEN SESAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Nothing happens). Well, I've got nothing.

Bakura: My turn! (Holds up ax in a menacing way).

LE: NO! If you do that, then my parents will kill me.

Bakura: Barnacles.

Yami: Too bad it isn't season 2 yet. Then we could get Malik to get to use his Millennium Rod to go into DMB's mind and wake him up.

(Suddenly, Malik walks in, and each of them stares for a few seconds)

LE: Malik? You're a season early.

Malik: Well, Shadi came over to have some alone time with Ishizu, so she kicked me out.

Yugi: For a whole season?!?

Malik: Weird, huh? So can I just be a helping hand around here, and stay here pretty much till it's time for me to enter in the series?

LE: Wow. First, one of the most ridiculous coincidences, and an alone time session lasting for a whole entire season. But sure.

Malik: Thank you. Anything I can do to help?

Yugi: Well, funny thing that you mention that, we need you to use your Millennium Rod to enter DMB's mind, and wake him up.

Malik: Sure, just let me look in my suitcase. (Opens his suitcase and dives in).

LE: Did we just see Malik dive into a suitcase.

Bakura: Only if my hallucination is the same as yours.

(They all walk over and peer into the suitcase to see that inside is an excessive amount of free space. It in fact leads to a room the size of a mansion. And this room is filled with stuff. Bakura looks on the side of the suitcase, and there a sticker that says _Genuine Mary Poppins Suitcase. Dry clean only_. So one by one, each of them dives in to help find the item. Meanwhile, in……. well, you know where it is!)

(DMB walks up to the pyramid and looks at the sign. _Pharaoh Atem's Tomb! Open to the Public. Please do not touch any of the cursed, treasured, fluffy, priceless, or limited edition items in the tomb, and no talking_.)

DMB: Fluffy, eh? Yami has got to be in there. (Walks in and notices the sarcophagus with Yugi's head engraved on it). Yami?

(Slowly, a figure emerges from the sarcophagus and turns toward DMB)

DMB: Oh, thank goodness. You are the only one that I know that couldn't have been turned into….

(Yami comes out of the shadows, and DMB sees that his hair is not sharper, but indeed, in a Yugi version)

DMB: OH MY GOD! (Runs for the hills, or in short terms, home)

DMB: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Luthien, where are you?!?!

LE: Why, what's wrong little brother.

DMB: Oh my god, thank goodness you're here and not a giant, man eating purple squid.

LE: Why, don't you remember you older sister (DMB backs up from the hug that I forgot to mention, and sees the horror)…. Yugi Eowyn! (Yugi Eowyn looks the same as Luthien Eowyn, but has Yugi hair)

DMB: OH MY &$!!!!!!!! (Runs into his own room, and looks out the window to see the whole entire Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast waiting at the front of the house, each and every one with Yugi hair).

DMB: HOLY FRICKIN' (BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Real world)

LE: I FOUND IT!

Malik: No, that's my door knocker.

LE: Why do you have a door knocker in your suitcase.

Malik: Why not?

LE: Good point.

Yugi: I think I found another fishing rod.

Yami: Can't we just get the narrator to change the word from 'Fishing' to 'Millennium'?

(Well, if you were a little bit nicer to me, maybe I would)

LE: Don't make me come up there, or things or gonna get ugly.

(Things already are)

LE: WHAT THE?!? THAT IS IT! Enters the narrator universe. I'm the narrator's narrator by the way

(Oh crud)

(LE: Take that and that! You want some of that? Huh? OK!)

A crash can be heard

(HELP!)

(LE: Yeah right!)

Now Punching sounds are hearable

(All right! All right! Throws up white flag I'll change the word)

Suddenly, Fishing Rod becomes Millennium, and Luthien appears. Thank you, I will be taking my leave now

Bakura: That's my woman.

LE: Anyway. Let's get out of this place already.

(So they are all sucked by the Millennium Mirror, and Malik holds up the Millennium Rod, and they all get sucked into an Eye of Horus that appears on DMB's forehead. Meanwhile in……….. meanwhile is getting annoying, isn't it)

DMB: What do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?

(Suddenly, the T.V. flashes on to show the Yugi vampire)

YV: It's not so bad to be me. You get to wear my clothes.

(Suddenly, DMB's clothes turn to a blue school uniform, and DMB looks down at it in a horrified look, just as the magazine he was reading shows President Yugi)

PY: And you get to look like me too.

(DMB's hair changes to Yugi hair, and he starts to scream as the sun Yugi shines into his window.)

SY: And you get to be me too.

(DMB involuntarily says "That's what friends are for!", and his eyes entirely bug out. But on the street, right outside of where DMB's dream is taking place, or _dream street_, Luthien, Malik, Bakura, Ryou, Yami, Yugi, and Joey appear. They all watch as an army of Yugis marches by)

Yugi: Well. I'm, uh, flattered.

(Suddenly, they hear DMB up in his room screaming his head off)

Yami: Oh yeah. This dream about you is _very_ nice.

(Yugi breaks a few tears as the group runs into the dream house and up to DMB's room, then they try to open the door. Unfortunately, by now DMB has nailed his door shut. So Bakura takes his Millennium Ring and prepares to blast down the door)

Malik: WAIT!

Bakura: What is it?

Malik: If you do anything to this door, you might give DMB a serious headache!

Bakura: Sooooo what's your point?

Malik: (Eyes begin bugging out) SURE, FINE! BLAST DOWN THE DOOR FOR ALL I CARE! JUST DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN HE COMES CRYING TO YOU WITH A KILLER HEADACHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bakura: Oooooookkkkkk, that was more than I needed. (Blasts down door, and the group approaches the seriously freaked out DMB)

DMB: GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LE: Dark Magician Boy, you're dreaming.

DMB: THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL BELIEVE YOU THIS TIME?!?

LE: Because we need you to continue the dang series!

DMB: (Calming down) Oh. So get me out of it, k?

(So they go into a series of medical tests that takes hours and hours and hours. They don't get any results, and still don't know how to wake him up)

Yami: Have you already tried waking up.

DMB: Yes.

Joey: Shaking violently?

DMB: Didn't work.

LE: Singing in Double Dutch?

DMB: Tried. …….. Hey, wait a minute!

Bakura: Ok, that's it! (Walks up to DMB and smacks him on the face.)

(DMB wakes up, and everybody shoots out of the Eye of Horus on DMB's head, and the Eye on DMB's head disappears)

Yugi: You ok?

DMB: Yeah. But I have the worst headache.

Malik to Bakura: Told ya.

LE: Anywho, tell us all how you enjoyed el' chapter while I pump my brother with Advil.

DMB: Yech! I hate swallow pills.

LE: (In sarcastic tone) Don't we all.


	6. Day Off

_**Behind the Cards**_

_By Dark Magician Boy and Luthien Eowyn_

_Chapter 6: Day Off_

LE: HOW CAN THERE BE A DAY OFF? WE BARELY DO ANYTHING ANYWAY!

Yugi: It's not a day off. It's that cast's and director's **and** narrator's field trip to the beach.

LE: AKA day off.

Yugi: Call it what you want.

LE: (Is about to yell, but then realizes that both her and Bakura will be there at the beach in bathing suits) Man, you're a lot more helpful than I thought.

(Thank you)

LE: Anyway, thanks for your review, Jgal. Your reviews are what keep this story alive. Very sorry about the Pocket Watch, and not only that, but I'm sure to say that that dream would indeed be scary. Spongebob is most of the times idiotic and gay. When funny, it is very funny, but otherwise, I'll stick with the first statement.

DMB: Are you guys ready to go?

LE & Yugi: Yeah. (Both run onto the bus, and it takes off towards the beach).

Whole Entire Bus: _I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves. Everybody's nerves! I know a song that get on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes. Boom! Boom! Boom!_

(Half an hour later)

WEB: _This is the song that never ends! Cause it goes on and on my friend! Some people started signing it not knowing what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because…….._

LE: (Who is driving the bus). OK! No more bus songs, k?

WEB: OK!

(Bus finally arrives, and the **_Behind the Cards_** cast, directors, and narrator pours out and onto the beach)

Kaiba: (Screaming like a little girl) AH! I GOT SAND IN MY HAIR!

Yami: Oh, don't be such a sissy. (Someone in the water splashes Yami. Also screaming like a little girl) AH! I GOT SALTWATER IN MY EYES!

Yugi: What babies.

Joey: HEY TRISTAN! Wanna play beach ball?

Tristan & Duke: Only if Serenity will play!

(DMB, Yugi, and Ryou however have decided to go scuba diving, along with Bakura and LE)

LE & DMB: Do we have to go with them?

Ryou & Bakura: Yes.

(Yugi and Ryou are going because they are friends with DMB, DMB is going because he loves scuba diving, Bakura is going because he can't separate with his Hikari (somehow, Yugi and Yami can), and LE is going because she loves Bakura so much, it would be enough to elect a new president! Trust me, I don't know why)

Yugi: Can we just go already?

All 4: FINE!

(Finally, the five strap on their regulators and dive from the surface to the exquisite world of underwater where creatures thrive and predators hunt and fish reproduce and where narrators….. Wait a minute! I can't breathe!)

All 5: BLUB!

(Oh yeah, I don't exist in the real world. Thank you weird psychics)

DMB: Ok, that was odd.

Yugi: I second that.

Ryou: Hey, how are we talking?

Bakura: Who cares?

(Meanwhile, on the beach)

Tea: Yami, what did you do this time?

Yami: But it looked like such a cute little crab, so I gave it death rays because I thought it deserved hot meals for being so cute.

Tristan: Where in the world did you get death rays?

Yami: There was one in the broom closet back at the studio. My guess is that LE and DMB are the only ones whoever use it.

Joey: Dumb luck.

(While the now giant, mutated crab tore up the beach (and when I say this, I don't mean surfing (duh)), the other Bakura and LE went one way, while Ryou, Yugi, and DMB go the other way)

Ryou: (Picking up a clay pot) Hmm, what's this?

DMB& Yugi: Junk.

Ryou: Ok. (Tosses clay pot aside, ignoring the columns of stone they're swimming through (they have discovered the lost city of Atlantis, and they don't even know it), and that the clay pot is probably worth millions. Ooh, I want it!)

Yugi: (Knocking on one of the pillars). What's with all these pillars? Is it just me or have we discovered the Lost City of Atlantis without even knowing it, and the pot that Ryou tossed aside is probably worth millions of dollars?

Ryou & DMB: It's just you.

(Deep violin sound begins to play, and DMB stops in his tracks, or, swims)

Ryou & Yugi: What is it?

DMB: Everyone knows that sound. That's a bad sound! (Turning around) STOP PLAYING THAT MUSIC!

Random Orchestra: But it's just the perfect time. You know, you're underwater, it's dark and murky.

DMB: Well, take a guess why you're even existing. My typing. (Threatening voice) I'll stop typing!

RO: Oh, can we at least try it? We've been practicing all week!

DMB: (Thinks for several minutes). Ok, fine. BUT on two conditions. One, you give me a million bucks. Two, you stop playing right before he's about to eat us, and burn up your stupid violins.

RO: But how can we burn up our instruments if we're underwater?

DMB: Don't know, don't care, cough up!

(The orchestra reaches into their pockets, and manages to muster up a million dollars)

DMB: Better. And you PROMISE TO STOP PLAYING?

RO: Yes, yes.

DMB: Good. (Whispering to Narrator), I'll give you fifty thousand dollars if you keep an eye on them, and make sure they stick to their promise at all costs. Even if you have to kill them.

(But I'm a narrator. I can't kill anyone!)

DMB: Then do something really nasty if they don't listen.

(Ok)

DMB: Ok guys (to Ryou and Yugi), be sure to look around whenever you hear that kind of music.

Ryou & Yugi: Why?

DMB: Ever heard of great white sharks?

Yugi: Oh, yes. I saw Jaws last week. It gave me the chills. (Pauses for a moment). Why?

DMB: We should probably find LE and Bakura.

(Meanwhile, somewhere over behind some really big reef, LE's wetsuit "accidentally" slips off. And Bakura's "accidentally" falls off too. The two immediately start to make out and have sex and all that stuff)

(At the time, over in Australia, a great white shark reacts to the now playing violin music and swims off to the Domino Beach)

(At the time as well, a little kid over in London bought a scoop of vanilla ice cream)

(Now that we've gotten all of that settled, the other three swam for their lives away from the speeding up great white shark)

DMB: Say, what does this even have to do with the fic on at hand?

Ryou: Well, the cast was going on a field trip, LE refused for a second until the narrator told her something very, very naughty, and……

DMB: JUST GET TO THE POINT!

Ryou: We have to find Bakura and LE or we're shark bait.

(Meanwhile, one the beach, the crab had formed several crevices, dried up half of the ocean, and run up phone bills)

(Back in the ocean, Yugi attempts to talk to Yami through a mind link)

Yugi: (Through mind link) Hey, uh, Yami? We have a situation.

Yami: (Also through mind link) Yeah, this giant crab is running amok on the beach!

Yugi: Actually, what I was saying was…… What giant crab?

Yami: Uh, what are you talking about, there's no giant crab, why would there be a giant crab, it's not like it somehow got its hands on a mutating laser beam!

Yugi: Um, whatever.

Yami: So, how's scuba diving going?

Yugi: We're about to be eaten by a great white shark.

Yami: Oh, you mean like in Jaws? I saw that last week. That movie gave me the chills!

Yugi: Yeah, I know. I was sitting next to you. I had to pay the fine to replace the soggy chair you were sitting in.

Yami: I wasn't that scared.

Yugi: This is totally off the point! We're about to be swallowed by a great white shark, summoned by some mediocre orchestra, and you're sitting there tanning or eating something.

Yami: Well how do you expect me to get down there?

Yugi: I don't care, get your own gear, call the navy seals, do SOMETHING!

Yami: Ok, ok. I'll try and get something there soon

Yugi: You better, or the world's gonna be short of two hikaris and a director. (Mind link fizzles out).

(The three swim past the reef the other two are hiding behind, then look back to see them zipping their suits back up)

DMB, Ryou &Yugi: Where have you been?

Bakura and LE: We have been here this whole time, what have you been doing.

DMB: Oh, well we saw some fish, got in a fight with an orchestra, discovered an ancient lost city, and right now, a great white shark is attempting to slaughter us! So what have you been doing?

LE: Oh, well we saw some fish…

Bakura: Had sex.

LE: … Kissed and snuggled several times…

Bakura: Had sex.

LE: … And we had sex.

Bakura: Underwater too!

Yugi: Is that even physically possible?

Bakura: Don't know, don't care.

Ryou: Well, that doesn't sound too out of your guys behavior.

DMB: Can we cut the tea and crumpets and figure out how to get rid of this great white?

Ryou: I happen to like crumpets!

DMB: Well, yippy for you, but this isn't getting us anywhere.

LE: Hey, don't sharks like yellow?

Yugi: That's just a stupid myth.

Bakura: Well they can smell blood, can't they?

DMB: What is this, a science lesson! Yes, they can smell blood.

LE: Oh dear.

DMB: What oh dear?

LE: Oh, um nothing! Let's just find an angry mob or something. Orchestras hate rowdy crowds.

DMB: Ok, just let me check the coral reef gift shop! (Turns around for a second, then turns back around). OH LOOK! THERE ISN'T ONE!

LE: Well, what about the Sunken Ship gift shop?

DMB: Flooded

LE: The Sand Bar (Drums and symbols play in background)

DMB: Occupied

LE: The Trench Club?

DMB: They are a members only club, and when I tried to go, they sent me away, and a few days later, sent me a very annoying hate letter.

LE: Too bad a giant crab mutated by Yami couldn't just drop down from the surface right now.

(The planets align and those little horoscopes in magazines make sense as Yami jumps down from the surface with a scuba mask on, and reigns on the giant mutated crab, charging toward the great white shark)

Yami: ATTACK SAMPSON!

Everybody: Sampson?

(Yami falls off of Sampson's back as Sampson jumps up and attacks the great white sharks. After the great white shark flees back to Australia, Sampson attacks the orchestra. After Sampson finishes off the orchestra, he goes after the stupid movie producers that everybody hates for refusing movies that only **they** didn't like)

Yami: Goodbye Sampson. You weren't just a crab to me. You were a giant, mutated, product of science.

Yugi: (To everyone) Watch this. (Swims up to Yami) How's Sampson?

Yami: Who's Sampson?

DMB: Oh, how I wish it was that easy.

LE: You wish what was so easy?

DMB: Well, everything! Don't you always wish that things in life were so much easier than they are right now?

LE: Hmm, no, not really.

DMB: Well, why not?

LE: Cause I'm in a band! (LE pulls out a flute, and begins playing attracting dolphins. Bakura joins in with an oboe)

DMB: Hmph, might as well. (Pulls out trumpet and begins to blow, ignoring that they are underwater, how can they play exactly?)

(Don't they need to breathe? I mean, I myself with the all powerful knowledge of narrator-ness am muddled with the non-sense making of this chapter!)

-Nobody stops playing-

(Hmm, might as well. -Pulls out drum and begins to play his hardest-)

-Suddenly, whole entire Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast begins to play individual instruments. Where they got them from confuses me. Weird ending for a chapter, isn't it? Well, please review. I'd tell you my actions right now, but there aren't any more backup narrators-

DMB: (Takes mouth off trumpet for about five seconds) Please review!


End file.
